Grief’s 1st Voice

Grief has a way of stealing your voice in the early days. It leaves you trapped in silence and speechless. Your often asked how are you but you don’t know how to answer.

Your asked how do you feel, but on reflection , you feel nothing. You know you cannot breath, an ache is there. Your appetite abandons you, and sleep goes on vacation. You long to fill the invisible forming void eating away at your insides.

I had many questions. But the shock of tragedy leaves you dumbfounded.

Then, I did not have an answer for anyone but now I can explain and help you to understand the journey you are on.

A rollercoaster of emotions triggered from a loss

Effecting relationships, disrupting beliefs, with an emotional cost

A sense of longing for that which is now gone

As mourning chimes in with an almighty gong

You structure rituals to make sense of what must now be

Blinded by the end of life, in that darkness you try to see

Unsure of what your feeling in a dark and confusing time

Influenced by the circumstances, relations and a tragic crime

In the beginning emotion is in control as your triggered by every event

Those birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day and memories of time once spent

A decline to ones emotions, physical and mental state

As the impact of loss rides over you at an alarming rate

Depression, anxiety, PTS and PTSD

Became my new friends they came out to embrace me

They stifled my smile, stole my joy, I was surrounded by fear

As I learnt the 1st language of grief was my sad and lonely tear.

Can you imagine going through this journey blinded. Unsure when or if the pain will ever ease. Unsure which route the tragic rollercoaster will take.

By habit we are prompted to ask someone are you okay, I will answer, in the beginning no we are not okay. We are not okay at all. It feels like death is all around and as a zombie you are forced to live as a corpse. Encouraged to move forward. On auto pilot we plan funerals, read autopsy reports of the body parts and organs cut away. We have to get up and in my case be a mum when all I really wanted to do was die.

The paperback edition of my book “Kyron: Hello Madness Goodbye Joy” is live in the Amazon Store. It is available for you to purchase via this link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

5 thoughts on “Grief’s 1st Voice”

  1. There are no words to ever console you! No hug that can ease the pain but know that you are never ever alone! You and the children are loved more than words and will always have my support no matter what! You are strong and fierce and I am humbled by you xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. i still do not know where u manage to find the strenghth . you are such an amazing person still trying to help others in your time of need . i salute u Queen with the highest of respect. your words touched me as a mother and as a friend . love and light always xxx you are making your children sooo proud

    Liked by 2 people

  3. A mother loosing her child must be the most painful thing and unless you have been threw it i dont think anyone could understand the pain that you would be going threw.
    Even though the pain is still so sore you have shown people how strong you truly are , You are holding the walls up for you and your babies and that is remarkable you have chosen to use this pain to try and help and advice others.
    You an amazing woman .

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.