Grief has a way of stealing your voice in the early days. It leaves you trapped in silence and speechless. Your often asked how are you but you don’t know how to answer.
Your asked how do you feel, but on reflection , you feel nothing. You know you cannot breath, an ache is there. Your appetite abandons you, and sleep goes on vacation. You long to fill the invisible forming void eating away at your insides.
I had many questions. But the shock of tragedy leaves you dumbfounded.
Then, I did not have an answer for anyone but now I can explain and help you to understand the journey you are on.
A rollercoaster of emotions triggered from a loss
Effecting relationships, disrupting beliefs, with an emotional cost
A sense of longing for that which is now gone
As mourning chimes in with an almighty gong
You structure rituals to make sense of what must now be
Blinded by the end of life, in that darkness you try to see
Unsure of what your feeling in a dark and confusing time
Influenced by the circumstances, relations and a tragic crime
In the beginning emotion is in control as your triggered by every event
Those birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day and memories of time once spent
A decline to ones emotions, physical and mental state
As the impact of loss rides over you at an alarming rate
Depression, anxiety, PTS and PTSD
Became my new friends they came out to embrace me
They stifled my smile, stole my joy, I was surrounded by fear
As I learnt the 1st language of grief was my sad and lonely tear.
Can you imagine going through this journey blinded. Unsure when or if the pain will ever ease. Unsure which route the tragic rollercoaster will take.
By habit we are prompted to ask someone are you okay, I will answer, in the beginning no we are not okay. We are not okay at all. It feels like death is all around and as a zombie you are forced to live as a corpse. Encouraged to move forward. On auto pilot we plan funerals, read autopsy reports of the body parts and organs cut away. We have to get up and in my case be a mum when all I really wanted to do was die.
The paperback edition of my book “Kyron: Hello Madness Goodbye Joy” is live in the Amazon Store. It is available for you to purchase via this link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch