Where was God

In the beginning I found that I was often asked “Where was God when Kyron died”. A question I pondered on, in the earlier months whilst I planned the funeral became angry to hear, along with the many why’s enabled me to become somewhat mad at a being over the years I hardly thought about, and lived a life far from what preachers and religious teachings taught.

I then found myself questioning. Why does this question always appear in the ritual of a tragedy? Anger is a healthy and normal emotion to experience during grief. But why do many feel the need to place that control and blame of the tragedy in a being they are unsure whether they even believes exists.

Death as I said in an earlier blog is the normal process of life. We were never promised that we would all live to be elderly, we were never promised that we would bury our children, we were never promised a life without struggles and trails; we were simply given life on lease and encouraged to make good decisions. Live life to its fullest as we only live once. My mum would say, do not put off till tomorrow what can be done today as tomorrow is not promised to anyone. So why was I angry?, what did it matter where God was?, Kyron was dead that was enough emotion to bare.

After some reflection I realised it was an expectation that this superior being should be in control of situations that I have no control in. I had an expectation that Kyron would grow into a man, get married, have children and embrace his dream career. My expectation was not fulfilled so I needed someone to blame for that. Then I was told everything happens for a reason, God had a divine purpose for taking Kyron home. This of course caused more anger. What possible reason or lesson could this being need to show me that he felt the best way to show me was by killing my son?

Resentment began to fill my insides for a being we were simply conditioned to believe in, as I now began to question everything I once felt and believed. I knew who killed my son, I knew their names and saw them in the flesh, yet I found myself echoing where was God. Then on April 9th 2018, I watched the CCTV footage of my son’s murder and in an instance I received the answer to my question.

A blade in the air my eyes sting with tears, I cry oh where was God

In the darkened night, all alone why was he not spared death’s Rod

The words, everything happens for a reason, there is a purpose for his death

Where was this God in my situation, why have I been left bereft?

Why has he not intercepted these monsters as they tear through my babies flesh

Why was that whisper in their minds as willing them on to Chef

Where was this God as his blood seeped out, in darkness as he fell

As I watched the CCTV I found the answer to murders tale

With a smile on his face, head held high, in the valley of death he came

God held his hand as the sunk in the blade, God ensured he felt no pain

7 inches in the chest, blood rained down but yet he did not fall

God was his backbone, like a King Kyron stood up tall

As he walked into the road, God held the cars, no injury or bruise to add

God whispered in his ears, rise up enabling Kyron to see the returning lad

God stood in unison side by side another 7 inches made him hit the ground

Kyron fell to the floor, God lifted him and walked so he would be found

God was in the stranger that ran to his aid, offering help to sustain his life

Ambulance please hurry, you must come quick a teen has been stabbed with a knife

God was in the words of comfort and the love that blanketed him

Absent from his mum and dad, soothing words with encouragement and grins

Its aright mate, help is on the way, hold on mate what is your name

Your mum is on her way, she’ll be with you soon, relief when the ambulance came

Unable to speak, he merely groaned as kindness compressed his fears

God allowed shock to hold, which ensured he shed not a tear

Death will always come so don’t be deceived

Unsure of why so soon but in this I believe

That when it mattered an angel was there

To blind him from the reality and remove his worries and fears

In closing don’t waste energy becoming angry of what we expected should have been. Save your energy as each bit is required to take those baby steps to heal. Sorrow steals your joy. Whatever thought or belief brings you comfort, embrace it, appreciate it and use it as a stepping stone towards your healing.

The paperback edition of my book “Kyron: Hello Madness Goodbye Joy” is live in the Amazon Store. It is available for you to purchase via this link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

6 thoughts on “Where was God”

      1. Extremely powerful which left me blinded by tears as your every word hit an emotion so deep inside me.
        The path of trying to understand and healing is so hard.
        Please continue as you are an inspiration xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  1. GROUNDBREAKING!!!!!!!

    It’s just ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL! Was NOT expecting that conclusion AT ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

    This is SOOOOOOO DAAAAAMN REFRESHING, INSPIRATIONAL, UPLIFTING, INTRIGUING, HONEST, REAL, DEEEEEEEEEP, PROVOKING, TOUCHING, ENLIGHTENING, DARING, RAW AND ALSORTS!

    It is RELATABLE to those who can relate, whilst simultaneously giving those who have been fortunate NOT to experience such, AWARENESS and an honest guide of journey almost as preparation to aid in ALL you’ll face and go through – incredible and well encapsulated.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 🙌🏽❤️❤️❤️
    I was just saying today how I couldn’t understand why prayers for a healing miracle weren’t answered, and I’ll probably never get the answer to that. But what you’ve just written is everything…

    Liked by 1 person

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