Life sentence

Today I woke up to the stench of unhappiness. As the morning light began to trespass into my room, the cloud of darkness cast a shadow over me. My immediate knee jerk reaction was maintain a positive mental attitude a phrase I often hear from a dear friend Miss symply divine. I tried to think of a happy moment, but darkness pressed causing tears to interrupt my smile. I wrapped myself within my blankets, yet warmth was gone and I just felt cold.

I rolled over and sighed one name KYRON as I lay here remembering I am just a year into my life sentence.
This is a spontaneous post, One I write simply as I cry, with no words to verbalise this pain that embraces me. This mental torture squeezes against my oesophagus preventing words from forming and leaving my mouth, the only outlet I have is to write.

My personal tragedy leaves me feeling imprisoned within a sentence that will last my life time
A sentence of pain without the possibility of parole today lays weight on my spine
Impacting my mind set, clouding my Joy, stealing that smile as it beats with no mercy
I have a brave face to embrace the world, hiding the tragedy burning away inside me.

A sentence that negatively impacts how I feel
Described as depression and medicated with a pill
A pain that intensifies when I hear another blood spill
As London embraces the epidemic where our young kill at will

This sentence takes away my ability to engage within my activities
It takes away my passion and willingness to explore worldly possibilities
It’s weight crushes me further as the memories start to flow
Of my son because of another I no longer have the honour of watching grow

This sentence has stolen the real me, the smile that beamed so bright
The sentence has revealed in me, I love fiercely so for that I fight
This sentence has reminded me that Life’s journey is not a game
Murder issued me a life sentence that will ensure I am never the same
Today I am filled with sadness, struggling for something positive to say
These days although not often never seem to go away.

In the beginning these times were daily and strength is just pretence
But sadly this is my portion, as murder served me a life sentence
Tomorrow joy will come again but today I only have tears
When I am real I know I offend someone, but he who has an ear to hear let him hear.

The paperback edition of my book “Kyron: Hello Madness Goodbye Joy” is live in the Amazon Store. It is available for you to purchase via this link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

2 thoughts on “Life sentence”

  1. I am with you may not in the physical but in spirit your pain if I could physically hold your heart I would as your pain and expression really has moved me today and every day since reading your diaries. Kyron is beside you and will never leave you also and although I never knew him I see he loved you and still does above and is proud of you on the up days and down. They say time is a healer… I still question this quote PMA yes you always are and because you feel not so great today is normal your a mother Your womb created a Prince who was taken before his time. Allow yourself to go through days like today’s doing only what you want to and dont feel guilty for pausing the world outside and just taking you time. Put on a song you and Kyron Love or eat your favourite meal go back to bed scream shout if that’s what you have to do to get through this day my dear do it without feeling guilty of whom you may offend. from one mother to another Love Love Love Ni Lucas xxx

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