Guest blogger Rachel Rose MSc
I tried really i did
I did for you what most mums won’t do for their kid
I fought for you every step of the way
To not let them label you and throw your life away.
But my biggest fight wasnt with them
My fight was with you my boy, who once held onto my hem
You battled with anger and emotions daily,
I tried to steer you away from a life of failing.
But you fought me over and over,
And the more i tried to hold on, you just distanced yourself further.
Your disobedience hurt me more than you could know,
But the pull of your friends just continued to grow
Your brothers felt the brunt of my hurt and pain
And even tried to talk to you, but this was in vain.
They grew tired of broken walls and furniture,
As well as the constant shouting as they matured
The impact was devastating that’s a fact
And our family, as a result did crack.
Constant calls from school meant frequent disruptions at work
Having to explain to them that my child always came first
But that meant sacrifices in my career and
Promotion was a not a prospect for me my dear,
Because commitment was something i could not adhere.
I failed you in the other parent i chose for you,
He is immature, and doesnt know what good dads do
I tried to get him to be a good dad i really did,
But he was too busy doing road too and said money not time and love was what you needed.
I didn’t know how to ask for help at first
Because a bad mother I’d be labelled and cursed
But when i opened up, everyone and their mum was too busy or had a barrage of solutions
I tried the solutions, but those people didn’t live with your turbulent emotions.
And werent there after night after night to deal with the commotion.
People with children without behavioural issues can easily pass judgement,
But children like you with a chemical brain imbalance dont always understand punishment.
They think i’m a bad parent, and haven’t done enough
But to live it everyday they dont know, trust me it’s tough.
Endless nights i’d sit and worry
That you may not come home and one day, you my son, i would have to bury.
But you didn’t care because you had no fear
And only kept going and upping the gears.
Discipline was never a factor, i set boundaries and timelines that you just wouldn’t follow
Now when i talk to you the words just appear hollow.
I don’t know the answers in how to fix this
But my baby boy, with your cute smile i truly miss.
You’ve chosen a lifestyle so totally opposite,
That to reach you now its going to take something drastic.
I hope you don’t regret not abiding by my rules
Because you thought i didnt understand and thought i was a fool.
But you see son, I’ve lived life and know what road can do
And tried to teach you all that I knew
But you think you know better, and think im too strict
Because my 7pm curfew on a weekend takes the mick.
I wanted you to experience childhood
And thought I’d instilled enough in you to not get caught up in the hood.
But baby boy you’ve run straight into it
And when its done, all it will do is chew you up and spit.
Don’t let what you think is glitz and glamour
Ruin your life by either death or the judges hammer.
Know that there’s more to life than the road.
I’ve always taught you to stand up and follow your own code
Be brave and walk away and stand proud
Don’t become a statistic or just part of the crowd.
You deserve to see what a fruitful life truly holds
And not one driven by greed on the roads.
In closing. For the parents who live this daily dont be afraid to ask for help or fear what people will say. For those parents who dont live this.. be mindful in how you offer support and pass judgement.
The ebook and paperback edition of “Kyron: Hello Madness, Goodbye joy. The memoir of Rachel Webb’s son Kyron Webb who was murdered in Manchester October 17th 2017 is now available to purchase in the Amazon store. Please use link. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch