Why are dad’s to blame

Anonymous guest father

When I heard the news that I was to be a dad, I immediately thought about my weight of responsibility
A new life was growing, a product of love was growing inside my wife’s belly
I felt no fear just an initial shock. My father he did not parent me
My parenting style came from instincts and the influence of others abilities

If you’re a good person, you generally do good and treat others with a certain respect
You grow watching how others are treated and the certain responses you get
Observing others around me is how I determined what is wrong and right
I was bullied at school when I was younger so taught my eldest son how to fight
I wanted to ensure he had a survival mindset rather than allow vulnerability to leave him weak
We done padding, boxing for those who don’t know, several days of the week

I agree with discipline and chastised my eldest son and tried to guide as I spoke
In creating a tough demeanor little did I know his rage inside I would provoke
For his life took an unexpected turn many letters and phone calls from his school
Each met with discipline at home the stern consequence for breaking the rules
The strict approach had little impact, in fact it made things worse
He called me a bully, lost respect and in time against me my son would curse

I supported both my sons’ to engage in new activities as I wanted them to develop skills
My dad was not always present, we spoke on the phone mostly he gave counsel but I had free will
I gave my son’s what I thought was best but in turn he called me a bully
I may not have been a good husband, but was a good dad, yet still he turned from me
I was never in a gang, but got into fights, for me it was self defense
My son says I was too strict with him, his antecedent to commit criminal offence

With my youngest son I did not change my approach he simply chose to behave
Parenting him was different as he was naturally good, but hate still dragged him to the grave
I tried to teach him how to box, but his ambition was to play football
He strived and developed in his skill. He grew polite, handsome and quite tall
He had manners, respect my youngest was quite nice, bit nice does not save you on the road
My eldest survived the violence, the attacks but he never seemed to do as he was told
I regret not being more tough with my youngest as a different mindset would have been there
He was too nice, always cool, heart full of love in a dangerous situation he tried to be fair

Who is to blame, do I blame his mum? Of course not although in discipline I stood alone
Two sons, the same mum and dad. Married couple parenting but look how different they have grown
Looking back I feel my eldest was hardwired, so his mother’s input would not have brought a change
We should have maintained a United front when I tried to adjust his mindset to help his morals to re arrange
I don’t agree with mother’s trashing father’s and don’t like father’s to trash the mum
I don’t agree with mother’s stopping fathers from seeing there children but cry out when they cannot handle their sons

When father’s chose the road over their children they always seemed to be welcomed back
But the good dad’s that wish to be present, are paying solicitors this treatment to me is slack
When it then goes wrong the blame is afforded to the absent father
I say the responsibility is mutual and should be shared by both the father and mother
It should not be about blame but reflective what could we as parents have done better
If we were to advice the young coming up could we do a better job together

We have new groups rising up polluting the mindsets of our children
Life was complicated enough for them, without adding additional conflict within.

Check out Hello madness goodbye joy, a novel written by Rachel Webb about the murder of her 15 year old son Kyron. Available now paperback and Kindle edition on Amazon click the link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

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