Who am I

Standing at the cross road I am wondering what is my name

For situations have moulded me and the phoenix I became

My past knew me as Rachel, but who am I in this present day

Am I both identities, who will I be? what personality is likely to stay.

One foot In front of the other the steps have led to this cross road

Do I turn left, do I go right who can tell me the right way I am to go

I long to find the strength and motivation that Rachel used to have

Yet I love the liberation in truth that the phoenix truly has

I miss the joy and brightness that genuinely filled Rachel’s smile

I also like the feeling when the phoenix spreads her wings for a while

I liked the way Rachel used to wake excited for the new adventure of the day

Vibrant and encouraged for the new opportunities that would come her way

Rachel always saw the light on any dark or saddened moment

Quite like the phoenix really, hope, love and encouragement was found in every comment

Rachel has a tongue that was sharp if you caused her an offence

The phoenix is more wise, she is more eloquent with each correcting sentence

But here I am in the darkness wondering who am I now to be

The phoenix was born from death, should death now define me.

I’m confused it sounds silly but I don’t know how to live, how to really smile

I want to press the pause button, take a moment to think for a while.

If I let go of this heartache, will someone think I have simply let go of my son

Would the children think I have forgotten him, forgotten that I am his mum

Would you understand that I am suffocating within this pain

My eyes will always fill with the tears the moment I hear his name

I want a break from nothingness, I don’t want to feel hollow anymore

I want the axe removed from my chest, let happiness now soothe my sores

If I could have one wish, I would wish my baby back into my arms

Through winter, spring, and summer he would be my lucky charm

But this will never be. A physical form of Kyron will never be my reality

Pain I don’t want you either I simply want to recognise and love this new me.

I want to love, I want to cry, I want to play, I want to climb heck I just want to live

I have spent a year just surviving now there is so much more I want to give

I don’t want to hold on to agony, I want to be free from my pain

I know I have to embrace the notion that on this earth I will never see him again

I am at the cross road, this journey has been hard chapter one almost took my breath

Are you still holding my hand shall I turn right or should we go left

I want to survive now I really do, I need to clear the midst in my head

I don’t want to be trapped within a cause, I wish to live, to be raised from the dead

Check out my Novel Kyron: hello madness goodbye joy. Available now paperback and ebook click link below

1 thought on “Who am I”

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