Self preservation

After a traumatic experience the mind goes on alert as if the danger might return at any moment
I worried that a gun man waited behind every closed door, I was scared danger was imminent.
I hid my thoughts and self from others as I felt in doing so them I could protect.
Burying my emotions, Self imposed isolation is all I achieved in the shadows I still could not forget.

I felt my role in this nightmare was to protect my children and family from anymore hurt
I chose to help others, giving wise words and comfort while my mind sunk in negativity and dirt
While I strived to save others, I ignored my feeling trapped in my own bitter pain
My need I hid from many along with my struggles, physical needs and mental strain.

I took on a role to save the world but for me I only reserved neglect.
I did not feel I deserved the love so I took no action to self protect
It was then I realised that in expressing my truth I was allowing myself to be free.
In removing the fakeness and masks I allowed those around me to see

In order for those around me to survive they had to also see me pull through.
I had to change my narrative from them and say Rachel I am talking to you
Self preservation is not selfish but selfless towards myself and others In view
I stood crying in the mirror as I told the reflection it is now time to love you.

I had to learn to set limits and boundaries within the kindness I would show
Self preservation is a process, it takes practice and time to make the inner self grow
Perserverence is essential despite difficulties, obstacles, failure and others opinions
Preserving my personal energy from some around me at times felt bleak, lonely and grim

I learned on my journey that sincerity is to be reserved and given to only those that deserve it
Channeling my emotions giving them only to those who in my life truly did commit
To others like me who too through tragedy has forgotten to see themself
You are no longer who you used to be but you deserve to live, love, laugh and have good health

Take baby steps towards your healing make a plan and break it down into achievable tasks
Live for you, dont fake it to make it, validate what your going through put down that mask
Be true to your feelings, you are your fiercist critic, learn to be kind to yourself,
Your journey is personal to you, as is your growth and spiritual wealth

One day it will dawn on you just how precious your life is to others around.
Everything pertaining to your success In life inside you will be found
My message today is to self perservere one day my friend you will once again feel
It may not seem to be happening but each day you overcome a part of you secretly heals

Hello madness Goodbye joy

The paperback and ebook edition of my book “Kyron: Hello Madness Goodbye Joy” A true story based on he murder of my son Kyron Webb and the aftermath and trauma faced by his family and loved ones. The novel is live in the Amazon Store. It is available for you to purchase via this link

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