Sometimes I wake up and question myself how am I going to get through today
The pain is so raw, the longing so heavy oh how I ache for my yesterday
I close my eyes in hope that I dream a dream but instead a nightmare awaits
My brain is tired, I feel overwhelmed yet each day the same scene is what my brain creates
I know the nightmares, lack of sleep, fear, paranoid thoughts are a part of PTSD
But my gosh let me tell you it’s so hard living each day in the life of little me

My smile holds the words of a thousand tears
My heart aches a pain that seems to intensify with years
My mind thinks of his murderer as often as she wonders onto him
Can I really live much longer feeling this every present darkness life is so grim?
I encourage others and at times use my words to encourage and motivate myself
As without them I would be out alone in the cold like a garden elf

Sometimes though, like now I feel as though I cannot breathe
I feel dizzy, I scratch my throat, my stomach turns and I want to heave
Two years on, yet in my heart, house and mind it just happened this morning
You know I still have the nightmares of that call, I become so anxious when I see anyone calling
Right now I just feel so sad, so empty, broken and once again alone
My new neighborhood is friendly enough but still I long to go home

The children have had their struggles some bullying along the way
But nothing compared to losing him on that cold October day
The phoenix is still standing but I have an injury in my wing
I lift my head to release my struggles but when I open my mouth I cannot sing
I know this is just a wave as I enter my season to cry
I hope that the wings of peace through this time do not pass me by

It’s the nightmares, the lack of sleep the taunting inside my mind
I pray this October as you visit again Grief try to be a little kind
For right now my days never seem to light, I feel heavy laden and oppressed
Come to think of it this low mood has lasted sometime I think I am depressed.

Check out my novel Hello madness good bye joy followinf the murder of my son Kyron Webb. Available to buy now on Amazon paperback and ebook. UK/USA

Click the link below


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