The past does not hold the power of change, you do❤

It never stops, it never goes away, a part of you is changed forever
The ups, the downs and the emotions in between, they never truly stop no never
The highs, the lows, that shaded glow, no sleep, poor retention a need to feel yourself
A longing to be who you once were but tragedy has scarred your mental health
A desire to belong, to feel, to love without sadness ever present or near
To attend a party, eat and have a drink without a memory causing you to shed a tear.

It’s like a rebirth but instead of being conceived in passion and love you’re birthed into a world through trauma
Like a babe you have to go through the developmental stage learning how Io walk, talk, survive and grow stronger, and find inner humour

It feels almost like you’re in a bubble and the rest of the world is happy on the outside
Your smile is always distracted by the redness of your eyes the evidence that once again you cried
In the beginning its shock, denial, anger, pain, a never-ending revolving cycle
As time goes by its experiencing things from a different sort of angle

Happiness comes in different forms but it’s shadowed because of that sense of loss
You either choose to give in or rise, determined to stand at any cost
Others around you believe there is a time limit as your pain for them is a memory but for you it’s an emotion everyday
No matter the encouragement given, no matter the length of time, those triggers never go away
So, protect yourself and guard your heart your cause may be your strength
But remember you also need time away, to rest, recharge and emotionally vent

I fought very hard to find the old me but she has gone and this just got me down
It darkened the little light that over the months I thought I had finally found
I needed a big change. I left adult social care, I now work with children and young people with EBD
Despite that shadow I finally feel content in my career this is definitely the job for me

Work life balance is definitely a must, making memories with the children my goal
Words of love and encouragement, how I feel about them they definitely know
I value the opportunity of making memories for when I go that is what I leave behind
When I am no longer walking this earth I hope these happy memories help them stand in time

In closing our past experiences shape us, they have made us who we are today
But the past does not have to dictate us for we can learn to still live just in a different way
The love without an ending can be channelled into another path
Think about the one you weep for would they want you to give up or do anything to ensure you last
No one can tell you how to heal and the worse is when they try to compare
Remember you are the hero you’re designed to be; this is your path to walk not theirs
Everything you need to survive in life is tied up already in you
Our past does not hold the power of change, my darling you do

Check out my novel Hello madness good bye joy following the murder of my son Kyron Webb. Available to buy now on Amazon paperback and ebook. UK/USA Click the link below

2 thoughts on “The past does not hold the power of change, you do❤”

  1. The high the low and the in between the sad the lol but when you are alone .you want to scream crumble.
    But each it’s a day by day learning process it will not be over night. And it’s always good to talk and Express your self even if you are angry . Rach hang in their I always be their for you any time love you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Absolutely agree with you! It’s so important to have a work life balance and also do what sets your heart on fire! One of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt this year is that life is supposed to have negatives as well as positives. It exists with you and that is how it is meant to be. Take the rough with the smooth, the highs with the lows and the ups with the downs…neither lasts forever and both come to teach you lessons. Thanks for this reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.