No Mother

No mother wants to hear those words “your sons been stabbed and he has died”
No mother wants to be denied of the truth because someone has lied
No mother wants to hear the words that justice will not prevail
No mother wants to imagine that murder could be a part of her life’s tale

No mother wants to see a pair of trainers, knowing her sons dying body fills those shoes
Knowing the other trainers belong to his friend, he does nothing and there is nothing you can do
No mother wants to watch the CCTV footage of those last horrible moments of their child’s life
Tortured by the thoughts of what did he say, what did he feel, did he call for me as he was wounded by the knife

No mother wants to bury her child and then hear freedom to a murderer is what justice gives
It’s hard enough excepting your child is dead while their murderer is free and lives
No mother wants to hear the character of her beloved child ridiculed and defamed
Denied a chance in court to speak of his goodness and achievements he has gained

No mother wants to see their child in the ground or on the shelf in an urn
As she approaches the 1st anniversary the murderer will be freed she learns
No mother wants to face court alone to hear a story so devastating and bleak
No mother wants be alone fighting a system when justice is all she seeks

No mother wants to hear that her son carried a knife and that is why he died
Something deep in her heart she knows to be a lie
No mother wants to walk as a corpse while smiling for each day to get through
Waking to fight, seeking the truth then denied her case review

No mother wants to live in this torture murdered daily by systematic failings and the lack of justice
I know a mother that did, following the death of her son Yousef this is how Debbi Makki lived
Yousef was murdered March 2019, his murderer was acquitted on self defence


He served 215 days in prison but nothing for the murder or manslaughter offence
Its said the murderer won the case as he is from an affluent background with a lot of money
Does this warrant the truth and justice denied to this family
Debbie fort tirelessly for justice, many tears in her bid she cried
May 24th 2020 from a broken heart and not seeing Justice Debbie Makki died

R.I.E.P Debbie Makki

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

My boy

I am so proud

It was the 21st April 2018 the tears for your brother had not dried.

A text appeared on my phone, there’s been an accident immediately I cried.

Unable to catch my breath i took a seat as the words spun around in my head.

Someone had hurt another child, it involved a blade, angry words you bled.

My life at that moment crumbled I felt hopeless I could not keep you safe.

Just wanted to end my life, just wanted to leave this space.

I looked at your eyes, I worried about the conversations you were having in your mind.

Scared I had lost you, not to death but rage as you began to unwind.

Your silence was unnerving, your night time tears broke me more.

While the world thought you were falling, a fire was preparing you to soar.

Like me you turned to writing and your secrets you penned in a song.

How could I have ever doubted that a love like you could go wrong.

My 1st born solider instead of crying you wiped my tears.

My 1st born warrior instead of breaking you soothed my fears.

My gifted baby instead of seeing your needs you focused on mine.

You held me up and comforted those nights I sobbed drunk on wine.

My son Ricardo Webb I am so proud to call you my boy.

You have grown into a proud, strong man. You are the centre of my joy.

A role model for the younger ones with aspirations that will take you far.

You always knew the skills and tools you held one day would define who you are.

Now your a man with a child of your own I sit here beaming with pride.

Your music I dont understand half the words but I jump on every ride.

If nothing more you take from this but the glow of a mothers pride.

My sweet boy I love you so much I give thanks you stand by my side.

In closing I hope that I make you proud and your honoured to call me your mum.

For you I can honestly say I am proud that you are my son.

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

Give thanks

As the sun has risen and brightened the sky
Allow your smile to shine and darken every negative lie
As the light of a new day chases away the dark
Allow hope, self worth and faith in your mindset to reside and park

You see, it’s easy to lose hope as boredom of this time takes set
It’s easy to allow the impact of this pandemic to cause upset
For some are in lockdown with others yet their home remains silent
Some are in lockdown with partners or loved ones whom are short tempered and violent
Some are in lock down and at risk of harm and abuse
Some are using this lockdown as a convenient excuse

Some during this time are riddled with grief as loved ones have died
Some of us have no one to wipe our eyes when we have cried
But so many of us are home with no symptoms or pain
Staring out of the window marvelling how beautiful the land is when there is no rain

Many of us are at home feeling sorry for ourselves
Instead of building ourselves and exercising our mental and emotional health
Many take for granted the blessing it is to see a new day
Even though we see the world through lockdown in a different way
We are still blessed, we have life, and from illness we have overcome
Saluting keyworkers and applauding the great jobs they have done

It is very easy to reflect on everything we do not have or cannot see
But take a moment to remember the gifts and blessings that shine beautifully
Give thanks for your children that are home with you today
Give thanks for your colleagues who sit around you on Good Friday
Give thanks for your eyes that enable you to see
And your mouth that utters kind words and encouragement to others so richly
Give thanks for your feet as they enable you to stand
And give thanks for the creations that are yet to be built with your hands
No matter the situation, there is always something to be grateful for
I give thanks for my health and for the health of those sat with me inside my household door
This time can be challenging, but even through these times we have the ability to rise
We are blessed as today you read my words which means my friend your still alive

Hello Madness goodbye joy is out to purchase now on Amazon. Get your copy today by clicking the link below

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

When enough is enough?

We as parents have a past with experiences that have been kind and some that have beat us down.
We as parents have watched our children’s behaviour create the largest smiles, as well as the bitter frowns.
As parents, once a child is born, we become somewhat invisible within our individual needs,
we as parents put the child/children first as we begin to mould and develop our seed

We as parents teach our children morals, values, wise sayings and discipline.
It is within the family home that a child’s early developmental stages truly begin.
We as parents do for our children what we deem is in their best interest
But what of those parents who slowly, from their own life feel torn down with no options left

How many of us parents reflect not only on what we do for our children, but also how we behave?
The narrative we use, the friends that we keep, how we seek the attention that we crave?
How many parents when it comes to problem solving only shout?
At what point would you say its appropriate to put a child out?

If you saw me slap a child, immediately you would display concern
But what if I was drunk in front of my child, would that still cause your heart to burn?
What if I went out all the time leaving the children in someone else’s care?
Would you still say that there are signs of abuse or neglect there?

What would you do if you were my family and my child approached you in tears?
Would your family loyalty silence you? Would the backlash cause you fear?
What would you do if my child use physical aggression on me when they could not get there way
What if I was the real victim what action would you take what would you say.

If I was your sister, broken, drinking, suffering in my own traumatised mind
Would you just put it down to “that’s just the way she is” is that what you would call kind?
When do we say enough is enough, intervention is required the family really needs help?
Or is silence an easier option when your position is at stake and resentment may be felt?

Could you save that neglected child even if it meant falling out with friends and family?
How many of us honestly turn a blind eye to wrong doings all for a misplaced loyalty?

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

The dark cloud

My first memory of the grey cloud was at about 7 years of age in the playground whilst at infant school
I felt a sudden darkness come over me, looking up it was grey, cloudy and misty causing me to feel afraid and very small
I have made no secret that as a child I experienced both physical, verbal and sexual abuse
As I child I could not explain this, but now I know the cloud formed as a consequential excuse

Conflicts with family, living in fear that danger lurked in every corner
As I grew, the cloud darkened it never appeared to feel any warmer
At first it would just appear when I felt low, was crying or something occurred that reminded me of hopelessness
Then one day I realised it was always there causing me to become intolerant of others always angry feeling restlessness.

I was quick to anger, ready for a fight, the smallest act would trigger me to shout
I became reckless, took risks there was no confidence inside just sadness laid about
It ruined relationships back then I always sought excitement, something to make me feel alive
Chasing a dream, but once I had it, I no longer wanted it, the fun was short lived once again the cloud would arrive.

Violence, shouting, fear and constant reprimand caused a low mood and disposition to really take set
At night I would have re occurring dreams, where i was chased by an invisible being, strong winds slowed me down hopelessness I could not forget
Everyone around seemed to have life figured out, they smiled with their partners and relationships seem to last
I had a new man, a new child, it never lasted I became bored and angry then out in the cold the man I would cast.

At night I cried but by day I wore a mask burdened with guilt for all the wrongs I did
I was intolerant of others, easily irritated in rage I cleared a path and my friends frequently I got rid
Lonely yet seeking love, I found no enjoyment in friends, relationships, activities and in life
Yet I grew up albeit still broken, no language to explain my thoughts I became someone’s wife

Anxious worried all I wanted was to fit in, to be excepted, I wanted to please
The symptoms of my dark cloud I wanted to disappear I wanted the impact of it to cease

It took me many years and the death of my son to know I suffered with a severe depression
It was not simply a hectic work live, misbehaved children although back then that is what I used as the reason
I was tired because I didn’t sleep, irritated from my head to my feet, isolated as inside I felt defeat, broken under my dark cloud
Lonely, unable to explain why with every achievement I still felt flat with a trail of broken relations I didn’t feel proud

I shared this as I spent my youth believing I was ever so kind and those around me were the cause of my pain
Their failure to act, lack of ability to see me, I put them and all the excuses before my own name
I fought to help others to get their life in order and find some solace and peace
Giving too much of myself, I helped others while hurting me as my inner hopelessness just seemed to increase.

The internal conflicts we have with ourselves impact the way we see the world, raise our children and respond to others
For me I neglected the individual behind the person that was now seen as the mother
Broken I tried to single handedly grow my children but in turn brokenness became their norm
They saw it I was just an angry person and knew rage would often in most circumstances be born

My daughter had a disagreement at school and said you better be careful as you don’t know my mum
Ric would often say, Kyron’s anger comes from you, he had a short temper also and from you it begun
My eldest daughter holds many secrets as she expects anger only to meet her words
In my head how can she think that I would not wrap her in love but this notion to her is absurd


I was not proud and had to work out what twisted my emotions why did I always meet a negative fate
My doctor said it’s called depression your symptoms many others too can mentally relate
An illness that affects the chemical imbalance of the brain
Medication, exercise, a well-balanced diet, happy thoughts, the gym, meeting up with friends can have a positive gain
Talking therapy, using self-help books mental health apps and tools, depression affects people in different ways
Prayers, meditation there are many tools to help you see brighter days
In closing its not always the other person whose behaviour needs to re arrange
Sometimes it’s your words, your approach, your input and conduct that will allow that relationship to change

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

Judgement vs Support

By September 2019 there were 22,286 knife and weapon offences formally dealt with in court
This does not include the unreported incidences of knife and weapons assaults
These figures are from courts in England and in Wales
Showing a 3% increase on 2018 statistical scales

New figures show that knife crime is now at a 10 year high
The prime minister has stated that all Whitehall departments take action this makes me sigh
For every time we have a cluster of incidents or a high profile case appears
There is always a government reaction stated to reduce the countries fears

Yet nothing really appears to occur, no strong initiatives seen
What actual action is taken to reform education, health and social care and youth services in the community.
Ignorance still says blame the parents for raising the feral child
Yet no family support systems seem to be filling the gaps to assist parents when the child no longer is sweet and mild.

Can we blame the parents for conditions such as mental disorders
ADHD, Autism, bipolar and split personality.
Can I blame your parents for how life has treated me
Can we blame the parents for the poverty and disadvantage they face
Can we blame parents for lack of opportunities and options in their current living space

Can we blame parents that have to work to provide a roof and food for their child to survive
Or is it the parents fault that school finishes at 3pm but they have to work till 5
Has blaming the parents prevented children from dying on our streets
Has blaming the parents stopped children carrying knives as fear surrounds their feet


Is there a difference between children suffering from neglect, trauma or neurological disorders
Or shall we just continue putting it all down to the parents in hope it will bring societal order.
Don’t get me wrong we parents play a role and some children are products of neglect and abuse
But there are some children whose behaviour can not be explained by the poor parenting excuse
Open your eyes for their is a need, a hunger in society that remains unfed
Blame is an easy option but let’s work together to find proactive solutions instead

The key to this epidemic may be found within the construction of the family
So let’s build support around them, instead of condemning so children can achieve their full abilities.
I gave birth to five children, but it took many people to help me raise them
I could not do it alone, I required a village support team made up of family and friends.

Your condemnation of another’s parenting style may encourage a prolonged and heated conversation
But does it really create what we want to see a reduction to youth violence and positive demonstration

If we use all our energy diligently to push for change

Is that not more productive than allowing ignorance to fuel a damaging rage?

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch

G.U.I.L.T.Y

I have always used my social media platform to express my truth and liberation
In text I have shared with an unknown audience the horrors and plights of my mental conversations
I have shown you my sadness, shared my phrases, cried out in misery
I feel bad sometimes writing words of encouragement when dark pain lives inside me

In expressing the not so pretty I felt a sense of release but there was still something that stopped me feeling totally free
Sitting drinking a cup of berry tea, it finally hit me, for my children I still feel extremely guilty
I am guilty for the partners I brought home that unsettled them and the home
I feel guilty that I am scared to let the little ones out, scared for them to roam alone

I am guilty for spending time away when my attention was distracted or somewhere else
Guilt for the hours once worked, away with a loved one when I was only consumed with myself
Guilt that I stopped listening, leaving them in the care of others for days on end
I feel guilty that I allowed work and life get in the way of being my young children’s best friend

I feel guilty for the times I spoke to them out of anger, frustration and rage
I feel guilty for the chastisement that came fourth due to horrors from a past traumatic stage
I feel guilty then when I felt I could not cope I did not go and seek professional help
I feel guilty that I over loaded myself so much for career progression, popularity and wealth

I feel guilty that I never paid the young children enough meaningful attention
I feel guilty that life got in the way of constructive and purpose filled conversations
I feel guilty for letting go when in fact I should have embraced more
I feel guilty for allowing Kyron, in March 2016, to walk out the door

I feel guilty that I have shut down and my smile is faded due to sorrow
I feel guilty my children grow knowing their mum said to switch off the machine removing Kyron from their tomorrow
I feel guilty that I have pulled away from family and friends
I feel guilty for not fearing death but secretly welcoming it so this pain really ends
I feel guilty as I know a corpse is trying to love and grow her children
I am trying but I feel guilty for being broken, for always crying, endless days in bed
I feel guilty as I know no matter how excited my voice may sound inside the emotions are flat as I am still dead.

I think when we all make a mistake; we tend to just root ourselves in this cycle of shame
Inside we live with guilt and regret, often chastising ourselves and calling ourselves negative names.
I know my mind plays tricks as at the time I believed I was doing my best
Working hard so the children had what they required to develop, having me time to allow for mental rest
The lesson for me now is learning how to forgive myself for the purpose of moving forward.
So that guilt can be used as a guide to keep living, loving and thriving without feeling awkward

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1728855977/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540203435&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=hello+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=41k45GKLllL&ref=plSrch